As a parent helping your child to learn, you may be too focused on:

• Arriving at answers and conclusions,  instead of asking questions, exploring possibilities 
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• Avoiding failure and being right, instead of experimenting, exploring and being curious
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• Learning for a single goal instead of learning for growth
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And while that is not our intention, each of those takes away from our child developing their own effective learning skills.

Instead, try resetting you and your child's relationship with the idea of learning.

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It’s time to try and help your child become a better learner. In the age of knowledge  and distraction, this is not a nice-to-have. 

In the 21st century, it’s imperative that our children be effective learners who have the skills and techniques to learn new things in a disruptive environment. 

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While a school education is great to have, as parents we need to exercise our own agency in helping our children become and stay powerful lifelong learners. This needs more than a school education.

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Here are 5 eye-openers to help you reframe how you think about how your child learns.

1. The process of building strong, fearless learning skills begins early, at home

We all begin our learning journey at home, with our parents. From the way parents encourage children to how we condition them to deal with failure, experimentation and observation, we are - knowingly or unknowingly - influencing their relationship with the idea of learning new things.

Resetting our relationship with learning involves asking why learning is only about answers, conclusions and passing or failing with limited chances to do and die? 

Can’t learning be about questions, possibilities, and never-ending progress with endless chances for small improvements every day? 

Why does the process of learning have to be defined by or limited to classrooms, textbooks, curriculums, exams and studies? Isn’t every single new thing we do as we grow contribute to our learning skills? Shouldn’t we focus more on the process of learning instead of just the results?

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2. ‘Learning to learn’ is a superskill which needs practice

We need to consciously and consistently build and nurture these precious learning skills. 

Already, information has no real value in the digital age and knowledge era. Only our ability to use information to make better decisions, to create new solutions gives it value. 

Information can be fed to computers - and trying to compete with computers is futile. Unfortunately our system is currently set up only to input information, and output information. We do not focus much on the skills the child needs to process all that information to create value.

We’d rather focus on building a skill that computers can’t replicate that easily - our ability to learn, connect, evaluate, create and innovate. And that can only happen when our children know how to learn. 

3. Learning something new is a process - not an event

Learning is a constant and iterative process that’s not linear or formulaic. 

Learning does not have a clearly defined start and end point. It doesn't start at 9am and end at 3 pm. It doesn't start in KG and end with graduation. 

When we learn something, and have the ability to connect what we learn with what we already know, we activate the power of compound knowledge. 

Just like Steve Jobs credits his early success with Apple computers to a seemingly innocuous and irrelevant typography class he took after dropping out of college, you never know where you will connect the dots between 2 seemingly disconnected pieces of knowledge to create something much larger than the sum of its parts. But you need to know how to do that. Connecting knowledge is one of the 6 core abilities of an effective 21st century learner.

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4. Self-awareness of the learning process is key

Learning can be challenging, unpleasant, and even terrifying at times. As parents, we don't have to constantly try and make learning ‘fun’. 

Struggle and failure are often the most valuable part of the learning process. The learning process is unique for every individual. I didn’t make real progress till I found and acknowledged my own learning preferences, strengths and style. And a lot of what I found surprised even me! 

Unless children own their learning journey and take responsibility for the process, they cannot and should not be expected to be accountable for the outcomes either. Let’s help them build the skills needed to take accountability and ownership of their learning journey. 

Self-awareness is a key learning skill that helps our children become self-confident, purposeful, and self-directed learners.

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5. Learning is not limited to studies, classrooms, curriculums, teachers and exams

Effective learning as an ability is different from any other form of learning. It is about being able to absorb diverse topics, connect the dots between them, and apply that knowledge effectively in diverse real-life situations, through life.  Let’s not confuse it with or limit it to a school curriculum.

Learning not just for goals, but for growth. Parents and schools typically tend to focus on the contents (the curriculum) and results (marks/ job), rather than the container (the child) and process of learning. This was my experience growing up - and I suffered for it. What about you?

Beyond ‘educating’ our kids, we as parents have to step up and facilitate their ‘learning to learn’ skills. We can leave the educational content to schools and teachers. But helping our container expand and grow is our job. 

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Parents have the power to change the learning narrative

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Unfortunately in every conversation about how our kids learn, it is schools, teachers, policy makers, governments - even social media - who shape things. Parents are just there to pay bills and be the taskmasters to push them at home.

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Parents need to step up to their own super powers -we are the only ones with the ability to help our children nurture their natural ability to be effective learners. Let’s not misuse or under-use that power!

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As you begin the process of reframing what learning means in your child 9(and your own) life, you will find yourself naturally refocusing your efforts in building your child’s learning skills rather than trying to make them learn a particular topic or subject.  

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Once you equip them with learning skills, you can leave it to them to learn anything. 

Otherwise, each subject, year after year, will remain a torture to learn, since they don’t have the skills to learn them in the first place. 

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They will continue to struggle with learning new things. 

And it will get worse as they grow older.

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Read next:

How to Build an Effective Learning Strategy

11 Growth Mindset Myths and Misconceptions to Get Rid of Right Now

3 Learning Skills Schools Can't Teach (But Everyone Needs to Learn)